she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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