i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just pee around me
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
