i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
