i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
