i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
