just tell him i said nine months
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
