We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
