Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
