My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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