God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So much rum. So many feels.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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