Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
