we have pet lesbian snakes
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
