So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
