Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
