I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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