Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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