She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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