Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
