i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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