Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
