Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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