you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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