Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
