Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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