fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
