don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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