Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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