Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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