if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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