It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
you inspire me to be a worse person
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
