is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
