i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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