you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
