Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
