dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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