Plan B is the new Plan A
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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