My first STD was from a foam party
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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