this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
