you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
