its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
