ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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