Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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