Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
