he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
