Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
