My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just gargled with NyQuil
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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