Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
God, I missed his penis.
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