I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
