I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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