oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
