:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
