Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
