dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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