what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
