Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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