I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
