I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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