I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
