OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
