Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Just cropdusted the office
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
